Conscious Conception: Baby Making Beyond the Physical
There are many avenues in which you can conceive your baby or invite a child into your life. Some couples will plan and prepare their bodies for natural conception and for some that works. There are other couples who require , for one reason or another, the use of advanced techniques such as IUI, IVF, surrogacy or adoption. No matter what road you are taking to parenthood, your journey can be filled with intention and sacredness. Here’s how.
Creating space and nesting- We need to be making space in our life for a baby to enter. This includes creating time in our schedules and stability in our finances. It is also important to keep in mind the nest you are building. Do you love where you live and feel settled there? Does your home feel safe and secure? Do you feel like your home has the actual space to accommodate a baby? Are your hours at work conducive to conception? Take a moment to ask yourselves these question and consider starting a journaling practice to see what answers come to mind.
The man’s part doesn’t end at ejaculation- This is a huge issue I see in my practice. I witness a lot of men checking out or not going all in with their partners who are bending over backwards to try everything in their power to have a baby. Conception is about BOTH partners doing the physical, emotional, & spiritual work to prepare for their child to enter the picture. Unresolved issues of trauma, or relationships with your own parents can create blockages in your pathway to parenthood. Also, this applies to any non carrying partner, not just men.
Intimacy with IVF/IUI - I get it. Conception can get rather clinical and intimacy can go right out the window. Often times what we want to do the least (meditating, communicating, being intimate) are the things we may need most in the moment. Taking time to connect with your partner and express your honest feelings and vice versa can be a bridge of intimacy beyond the physical that can be very inviting for the baby waiting to join you. Think of a time when you saw your parents show affection to one another and how their connection made you feel. You can have a conscious conception experience even with IVF and IUI by taking the time to connect with your partner. Don’t be afraid to speak up and let your partner in and be open to receiving and hearing their communication as well. Explore intimacy with yourself also. If sex with your partner isn’t on the table, for whatever reason, don’t deprive yourself of the joy of orgasm and take care of your own pleasure. You may find this increases your drive to connect with your partner more too.
Communicate with your baby- Babies are on their own timeline that sometimes don’t align with our own. There is only so much you can do and the how’s and when’s have to be surrendered to a higher power. I have a guided meditation that walks you through the process of creating a sacred meeting space with your baby that can be found here. It works best when both partners can be available but is also great for those on a solo journey. Establishing a connection to your baby can help you to understand why they may be waiting to join you and give you peace of mind that you will become a parent when the time is right.
Find Joy- Life is about so much more than just having a baby. What are things you enjoy doing or talking about that have nothing to do with growing your family? Are there hobbies you can explore that maybe you haven’t had time to because of doctor appointments or work. Focus on activities you and your partner can do now that maybe more challenging to do when a baby is around. Many women find their identities lost after having a baby. They become all mom and don’t have lost touch of the woman they are outside of that role. Taking time in the preconception phase to really get to know yourself and establish routines that give you the time to express yourself are valuable resources to turn to post baby.
Bonus Visualization Exercise:
In addition to the meditation above, you can also try this visualization: Imagine you are standing on top of a mountain reaching desperately for a star (your baby). How does the strain of reaching and struggling feel? Are you standing on your tip toes? Are your arms shaky from reaching? Now try sitting quietly on the mountain top, noticing the stars above you. Sit with your hand on your heart and your womb and imagine light radiating from these places like a beacon, attracting your star child. Is there a certain star you see glowing a little brighter for you? Notice the difference in feeling of reaching, grasping and straining vs sitting still and attracting. Tune into the inner knowingness that your star child will come to you exactly at the right time when everyone is ready- the baby, you, and your partner.